Questions Without Answers

It's Very Welcoming

So there's a lovely moment that hit my social feed today from Survey Monkey UK, as a small reminder to us that the British are Very Different Indeed. Or, at least, their adtech people are. Let's get into the details on this.

It turns out that only 12% of survey responders admit to having ads sway their purchase decision. Which leads Mansoor Malik, managing director UK of SurveyMonkey, to say: “Christmas is a great time of year, and we wouldn’t be a grinch that says brands shouldn’t contribute to the festive mood. However, we must be honest and recognise that if campaigns aren’t driving sales, they’re not meeting their core objective. Clearly, most brands today undergo expensive audience testing before running ads, but our findings suggest there are a few simple questions that still need to be answered by any brand before they commit to a campaign.”

While we're asking questions, I have a few to add.

1) Can we get the 12% that said yes to ads puppies? I feel that they would appreciate puppies, and take care of them.

2) Are survey respondents in the UK hooked up to lie detectors and electroshock inducers?

3) Is it illegal in the UK to lead the witness, so questions that obviously do it somehow, well, don't?

Surveys that ask questions like this are less than worthless, because, well, no one admits that they are so weak minded that all it took was an ad to get them to change their mind. Of course they said quality or price; those are tangible reasons that speak to intellect, and very few of us will admit otherwise, even to an anonymous survey.

What would have been a better question to ask? What parts of an advertising mix were remembered. Whether or not certain ad formats were better, or worse, at making a person think a product or service was worth spending more to acquire. If there was such a thing as hearing from an advertiser too often, so much that it kept you from making a purchase.

You know, questions that actually give us something close to an actionable move, other than just another pointless data point of how No One Likes Ads.

Because ads aren't meant to be liked. They are meant to sell stuff. And when you stop advertising? Generally, you stop selling as much. Kind of how this stuff works, really...

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Feel free to comment, as well as like or share this column, connect with me on LinkedIn, or email me at davidlmountain at gmail dot com, or hit the RFP boxes. RFPs are always free, and we hope to hear from you soon.

Five Steps To Take After A False Metrics Issue

Many Numbers, No Friends

Here's something that should never happen, and all too often does, in marketing and advertising: your metrics come under question. Either a portion of response isn't being counted, some attributed revenue error has occurred from crossed wires, a keypunch error occurs and does major damage, reporting from a third party source fails you, and so on, and so on.

Let's also assume it's not your fault, and you still have a gig. What should your next move be?

1) Resist the urge to go off on a multi-state killing spree, even though no jury of your peers would give you anything more than time in Country Club Prison as a punishment.

Well, mostly because marketing and advertising people are rarely on juries, and mostly because it's very unlikely that any of your victims are to blame for the situation. Besides, it will get misinterpreted. If you must rage, I suggest weeding. Very aggressive weeding.

2) Wait to publicize the problem until you have a plan. 

Bad news spreads fast, but bad news with no greater subsequent action of "Well, I've told you about this, so now you can feel as bad about it as I do" is just irresponsible. If your numbers are getting adjusted, or previously known points are no longer known, you want to own that, rather than have it given to you.

3) Find the benefits -- and yes, there will be benefits. 

Are there expenditures that you can now cut, bullet points that you can leverage in negotiations, or others in the industry that are operating under the now discredited assumptions? These need to be brought to your management's attention immediately, not because every cloud has a silver lining, but because they are opportunities that should be exploited. Fortune favors the brave.

4) Develop contingencies, back ups, and useful suspicions. 

Even if no one is blaming you for this adventure, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be thinking about steps to take to make sure it doesn't happen again. Maybe more supervision of keypunch work, espionage work to see what rates and practices the rest of the industry is following (so you don't find yourself at a suspicious level again), or a third-party audit to give everything a sanity test. Oh, and try to make sure that everyone remember this the next time that some troublesome number is taken as gospel. Never let a crisis go to waste, folks.

5) Try to look at this from a future perspective. 

Finding errors is never fun, but the nice part is that once they are found, you don't make them any more. Doing marketing and advertising is kind of like driving a tank; if your view and gauges aren't showing reality, unplanned things are going to happen. Life is better with planned things. And certainly a lot easier on the other vehicles in the parking lot, and the fauna.

Anything to add? Would love to hear from you in the comments. Remember, the truth will set you free!

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Feel free to comment, as well as like or share this column, connect with me on LinkedIn, or email me at davidlmountain at gmail dot com, or hit the RFP boxes at top right. RFPs are always free, and we hope to hear from you soon.

Making It Better: Seven Marketing Ideas for Gymnastics Meets

Very Important Gear

As a parent of a competitive gymnast, I've spent many hours at my daughter's meets over the past three years. If you've never had the pleasure, let me describe how this works. You pay to place your kid in a class. You pay to have her on a team, complete with the shockingly expensive team leotard that she'll be constantly pulling at. You pay to get into the actual meet itself. And then you duck hours of lame lottery pitches, cold concessions, and candygrams and stuffed animals that you can give to buttress the confidence of your athlete. All while spending four to five hours of stress, waiting to watch your kid perform for less than ten minutes, on four different pieces of apparatus.

Needless to say, there's a lot of dead time. And more than enough time for me to think about ways to make it better. Let's go to the list!

1) Computers and projection systems exist. Use them. Every meet I've ever been to has come down to people with clipboards writing down scores, and way too much time waiting around at the end of the meet so that someone can do math, badly and slowly, before handing out awards. All of which is very exciting to the kid for her first meet, but after about two or three times through the ringer, they are pretty much done on wanting to wait around. Have the awards ready to go as soon as the last kid performs, because every parent alive will adore you for this. Failing that, mail 'em.

2) Set up your gym for prime photography and video. With everyone having the ability to get performances on video, and professionals in short supply or need, there should be a simple and defined place for people to shuffle in and out and get their video done. Enough with having the heads and bodies of other people getting in and out of shots. Just set up walkways and defined spaces. This shouldn't be hard, and we've never seen it.

3) Go beyond 50-50 tickets. Honestly, from the folks I've seen at these events, scratcher tickets would sell. So would video poker in the lobby. We've got a lot of time to kill here, people. If you gave a concession split to a vendor on this, you'd make a mint, and add a little more poignancy and tragedy to someone's losing day. Why is Daddy crying? Because he's so proud of you. So much that he's going on a diet for a few months.

4) Actually make Wifi work. I know, I know, I'm asking for the world here, but this never works, and drives everyone insane the entire time they are trapped in your gym.

5) Premium seating. I'm not talking about actual front row stuff, because to be honest, you should move around during the meet as your kid goes to various apparatus. But if someone wants to rent seat cushions to supplement those terrible folding chairs? Ca-ching.

6) More freedom with the candygrams. Why limit messages to how proud you are of your kid, or how much you love them? Let's hear some options like how much the other teams stink, how in a world where death and taxes are the only constant, her beam routine is the reason for hope, and that life itself is very much like the vault. Let's add some head scratchers to these, please.

7) Juke box heroism. Sure, you can do your floor exercise to your preferred music, but can you do it to music that's been chosen at random, with special challenge tracks brought in to see if you can avoid laughing? Add some drama to this. And if the kid can hit her spots to Barney the Dinosaur or Metallica, I'm even more impressed.

Bonus - Liquor license. And maybe vendors. Beer Me!

Got any others to add to the mix? Feel free to add them in the comments. I've got many more meets before the season is over...

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Feel free to comment, as well as like or share this column, connect with me on LinkedIn, or email me at davidlmountain at gmail dot com, or hit the RFP boxes at top right. RFPs are always free, and we hope to hear from you soon.