Craft Risk, Or Drink She

Not A Joke, Honest

Not to put too fine a point on this, but there's a story that showed up in my social feed this week that I feel like I need to discuss. It is a story that I'm not sure that I can easily share with you, or one that I should just jump into.

So if you are squeamish about body issues, move on, by all means, move on. We'll have something far more palatable for you next Monday, on our normal publishing schedule.

Still with me? OK, you're brave. Here we go.

There is a craft beer start up that is using crowd sourcing. The goal of this project is to mix bacteria from a particularly salacious model, seen above.

Well, to be more accurate, bacteria from discharge in her nether regions. They'll mix that into the beer to create an, um, unique product.

No, seriously.

And no, I'm not linking to it. I'm sure you'd be able to find it all on your own.

Since the project launched on April 1 and would seem to be a fever dream from the worst of bro culture, many hoped this was just some publicity stunt and bad joke... but, well, no, it seems to be moving forward. According to my sources on this (for the record, I'm not much of a beer drinker), there's been beer made with all sorts of other human biological contributions, so maybe it's just me that is considering this beyond the pale. Or, at the very least, worthy of public health regulation and censure, because you would have to think that this might put the drinker at risk for something. I'm not a scientist, but I'm also pretty sure that adding in bacteria for marketing sizzle is also being done for health reasons.

Maybe you're more of a free market uber alles person, and wouldn't want the government to step on innovation. I used to work with a guy who subsequently bankrolled caffeine-infused jerky, which has made it all the way into big box retailers all across the U.S., so good for him. The market will decide.

But let's get back to the potable. The very nature of it reminds me of a moment during a golf round. I was playing with rented clubs at a really nice course in Southern California, and was paired up with an eccentric and outgoing rich guy. We bonded well enough, and eventually made our way to a par 3 on the back nine. I pulled out my 5-iron and hit it fairly well, but the ball wound up short and to the right. My playing partner then told me to hit another, but to try his club, and handed me a 5-iron from his bag. Which felt really good in my hands, and produced a pretty shot with more length and a sweet bounce up on the green.

Handing the club back to him, I thanked him for the experience... and was told how much the club cost. If true, it was something like 50X more than any iron I'd ever used before or since. I'm not entirely sure, because at the moment when I got this information, my brain short circuited with the deep desire to never, ever touch this club again, for the fear it would break in my hands and be the most expensive second of my life.

That's the nature of gear that's wildly beyond your price point and comfort level. If you really like it, you might not be able to live happily with anything less. When I've taken my wife out for test drives in the past three months, we haven't looked at cars that are dramatically beyond our price point, because, well, the same reason.

So, to finish up on this, and hopefully provide the final word on this sort of enterprise, a final question to anyone who might want to bankroll or try this concoction...

What, exactly, would a positive end result be?

Since the three most likely reactions -- disgust, delight and apathy -- all put the user in a position that's much worse than where they were before the experience?

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